My aunt, God rest her soul, lived in a one bedroom apartment in Peabody.  I think the apartment was rent control, which is where poor people lived before we had Section 8 housing.  She lived on a small teacher’s pension most of which she spent on cartons of Benson & Hedges (“You’ve come a long way, baby”,  since she had made it from Somerville to Peabody she actually had come a long way).  In the 1980′s she ran up $25,000 in credit card debt with absolutely no ability to pay it back.  She was way ahead of her time.  When she died I remember someone in my family saying, “get over there before your cousins do”.  I also remember thinking, “why?”.  Kids may not know about the finer things in life but they know crap when they see it. I wondered if my Aunt Mary was so rich why was all of her furniture made of particle board?   (She had particle board furniture twenty years before it was made popular by Ikea.)  My Father and I rushed over and most of the furniture fell apart while we were moving it (again much like Ikea).

The other things that happen when family members pass away is heirs confuse expensive with valuable.  My late, great Aunt Margaret actually had a couple of silver dollars to rub together.  When she died, we did try and get there before my cousins. Someone said, “look she has a nice hospital bed”.   Hospital beds are expensive but they are not of much value unless you are either dying or in the hospital.  We moved the bed which was heavy and had wires everywhere.  Since no one in my family was actually in need of a hospital bed we donated it to the church.  This necessitated moving the “expensive but of no real value” bed twice.

When the LOL (lovely old lady) moved in with me three years ago she stored some of her “priceless family heirlooms” down on the Cape.  Generally speaking if you go three years without missing something, much less opening the box in which it is stored I would feel comfortable saying it’s trash.  Once again I didn’t realize how wrong I could be.  I was instructed in no uncertain terms to drive the 100 miles round trip on a Friday night and retrieve the boxes of priceless treasures.  In an effort to make my job a little easier I opened some of the boxes and sifted through the contents.  I then called and asked if we needed the twenty, clear flower vases that looked exactly like the ten, clear flower vases presently in our house?  Likewise did we need the eight wine glasses to go with the sixteen wine glasses that we already have notwithstanding neither of us drink at all, much less wine.  Reminding her that Kodak recently went out of business I also asked if we need the box of 2,000 or so photos.  The answer was of course, “Yes, clear, flower vases are in high demand, you never know when we might have 24 wine drinkers over at the same time,” and “I am going to scan the photos to the computer.”

I wonder how many people die before they get the chance to scan their still photos onto the computer.  Then again probably not as many who die of boredom scanning pictures that they previously hadn’t felt the need to look at in at least ten years.

KOKO

People don’t get what they deserve.  Good things often happen to bad people.  Bad things happen to good people.  Based on the week running up to the Superbowl the Giants were classless in their comments and predictions.  They didn’t deserve to be champions.  The way the Patriots’ played (or didn’t play) they deserved to lose.  Before Brady and Belicheck arrived in New England we had no chance at a world title.  Now we have three.   The attacks, sometimes personal on Brady and Belicheck by the Boston media is undeserving.  The people of Boston deserve better than so called “journalists” critiquing the Patriots.

What started me on this line of thinking was an interview President Obama gave just before the Superbowl.  He said he “deserves” to be re-elected.  No politician “deserves” anything.  He or she serves at the request of the constituency her or she represents.  If you look at Obama’s record the only thing he “deserves” is a “don’t let the door hit you on the way out”.  For the first time in modern history Obama had the support of the country and the opportunity to level the playing field.  He rode this vision right on to Pennsylvania Avenue.  Lacking both courage and character he was unable to do what was both necessary and right.  Like the Bush family that put us in this mess, he remained beholden to the special interests who lined his pocket. Why?  ”He never failed to fail, it was the easy thing to do.”  This is exactly why under Obama the 99% are worse off.  The 1% they continue to do just fine.

In an unpublicized move President Obama signed legislation that drastically effect the men and women who are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.  First, these men and women make very little money.  An enlisted soldier makes roughly $18,000 a year.  If they want anything beyond the most basic of equipment they are financially responsible.  Soldiers used to receive $225 a month “combat pay”.  Obama has redefined the definition of combat pay.  First, unless you are being shot at or forced to shoot on a regular basis you no longer are determined to be in “combat”  So most Marines dancing  around IEDs in Afghanistan are no longer entitled to the extra pay.  The other difference is the pay will now be pro-rated based on the number of days you are being shot at.  Basically, dodge a bullet make an extra $7.50.  Make it through the day just being in fear of being assassinated by the Pakistan and Saudi Arabian supported Taliban make your regular pay.

The Commander in Chief is now giving the US Marine Corp the middle finger.  Nobody deserves that. God forbid the 1% pay a nickel in taxes.  We’ll balance the budget by nickel and diming the people defending this country.  This November let’s show the President and every other member of Congress what they really deserve.

KOKO

Almost four years ago to the day something very bad happened in the Arizona desert.  Every yard the Giants gained in the final two minutes was like the thread of a stitch of my life unraveling.  When the Giants scored the whole thing just fell apart. Failure in life comes easy and quickly almost anyone can do it.  Success takes painstaking years of trudgery and drudgery.  Bill Belicheck is the greatest coach to ever patrol the sidelines and Tom Brady is one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. But since that day many in the Boston media have been quick to criticize.  (In the interests of full disclosure I am a BB intravenous Kool-Aid user).  Boston columnists Ron Borges, Tony Massoratti and Micheal Felger have been declaring the emperor (Belicheck) really has no clothes for the last four years.  Borges actually apologized in a column this week.  Massoratti is a baseball guy.  Felger doesn’t know his ass from a football (or anything else from that matter).

Like Tom and BB or maybe because of Tom and BB I never stopped believing.  They represent that age old lesson that all of us were taught.  When you get knocked down you crawl to your knees, stagger to your feet, and keep your mouth shut.  You keep that loss and more importantly that feeling in your right, front, pant’s pocket.  Every time you stick your hand in you can feel it, roll it around, and let the sensation take you back.

New York represents everything that is wrong with this country: greed, selfish and self centeredness.  Eli Manning, an above average quarterback, has been anointed the second coming after Assante Samuel and Merriweather dropped two interceptions in that Superbowl.  His decision making under pressure is horrendous and like all New Yorkers he epitomizes the saying rather be lucky then good. (Tom Coughlin is also one of the greatest coaches of all time.  The fact that the dimwits in New York have wanted to fire him since he arrived proves it.)

I have watched enough sports to know that in big games it is often a big play made by a not so big name that turns the tide.  BB has been roundly criticized for signing Chad Johnson aka Chad Ochocinco.  BB knows that the point of a team is that all 65 players at some point contribute.  I look for Chad to contribute to the Patriots victory tomorrow.

In fact I am guaranteeing redemption in the form of a Patriot’s victory.  How do I know you ask?  I don’t see any way the Giants can lose.

KOKO

All of the geniuses, Republicans and Democrat are promising to return us to “American Values”. Like pretty much everything else in my life I am unclear on the concept. After all the only true “Americans” were the Indians. Very spiritual people but since they wanted to just live off the land and not exploit and profit from it they were systematically wiped out. Is murdering and enslaving people because they are different an American Value? General Custer would seem to represent American values. Rushing head long and half ass into a battle were the Indians had one hundred bullets for every soldier. Despite his arrogance and complete ineptitude Custer has been glorified: a real valuable American.

Speaking about arrogant and inept, how about a modern day Custer, Mitt Romney. He inherited about $100 million but claims he worked his way up from the mail room. Despite his enormous wealth he has always acted in his best interest. Public service? Not unless he can gain financially or politically and even then not so much. He argues that he is entitled to a lower tax rate because he uses his enormous wealth to create jobs. How many American jobs are being created by the millions he has stashed in the Cayman Islands, Ireland and other tax shelters? I’ll tell you: zero. So I guess being completely selfish and self centered is an American value.

President Obama believes in American values. Despite the fact he has never held a job that pays over $200,000 he is worth about $12 million. So I guess using inside information to personally benefit at the expense of others is an American Value. Mrs. Obama has used Air Force One as her private vacation jet taking the family (cousins and all) to warm sunny locales. I guess taking advantage of a situation is an American value.

Seems to me American values ain’t all that valuable. How about a candidate who’s somewhat honest and willing to act in something other than his own self interest? Now that would actually be worth something.

KOKO

History has shown democracy is probably the best form of government.  However, like the human condition democracy also has an ultimate fatal flaw.  We are forced to elect people who want to hold office not people who should hold office. When President Obama last night stated, “The state of the union is getting stronger”, I am not sure to which union he was referring.  Wall Street and the people who run it have become stronger at the people’s expense.   In Roxbury, Fall River, Taunton, the Bronx, and South Central LA things have only become progressively worse since Obama took office.  In fact in areas outside of America’s cities people are bordering on the point of no return.  Gas, taxes, fees and insurance premiums are all on the rise.  Salaries, government services and public service are all on the decline.  The government and its agencies continue to pursue the little guy while the fat criminal leaders go free.  Despite all of the laws and regulations that were broken leading to the housing crisis how many corporate entities or executives have been prosecuted?.  None, there has not been a single indictment.   In fact the government continues to reward this irresponsible behavior.

“I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People.  This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government.  In my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country.”

This was not Ron Paul at the Florida debate on Monday.  In fact this was not any politician.  This was Boston Bruin’s goalie Tim Thomas’ reason for not attending the Bruin’s ceremony at the White House.  I have always admired hockey players.  They do not try and be “entertainers”.  They do not carry firearms.  They do not take their abilities for granted.  They have always been the lowest paid professional athletes and have rarely complained.  They are grateful for their opportunities.  On a simpler level every hockey player I know has three priorities: Hockey, beer and good looking women.  In that respect they resemble surfers simply substitute waves for hockey.

To my surprise Tim Thomas’ statement and decision were largely met with disapproval.  Maybe that’s just how numb we Americans have become to our plight.  Personally, I may write in Tim Thomas for President.  Who knows maybe he’ll even name a surfer like me VP.

KOKO

There was a time when you asked anyone on this planet (and most aliens according to Hollywood) if you could live anywhere, where would you live, the unanimous answer would be America.  Now for a lot of people America wouldn’t be in the top 3.  How is it that years ago America trudged forward.  Schools and hospitals were built.  Services were extended to the less fortunate.  Jobs were plentiful.  Hard work was rewarded with the realization of the American dream: home ownership, new car and two weeks in an exotic location, like Disneyworld.

Now despite both our tremendous wealth and technological advances we are laying off police, teachers, and fireman, cutting services to the poor and elderly, falling way behind in education and most inner cities resemble third world countries. Why?  there is an easy answer: individual greed.  Back when I was growing up parents were committed to the neighborhood.  While there was some “keeping up with the Joneses’” most people were focused on keeping the future bright for their kids.  Now people are so focused on personal wealth and recognition they could care less about their own kids much less society as a whole.  (How else can you explain the group of village idiots known as “The Kardashians”). There were a couple of people this week whose actions encapsulated all that is wrong with America.

Up until a couple of days ago I had never heard of Paula Dean.  She is a celebrity chef whose signature meal is a hamburger topped with a fried egg between two glazed donuts.  She is a firm believer in what she promotes as she goes about 280 pounds on a good day.  Due in large part to her diet she was diagnosed with diabetes three years ago.  As this diagnoses would have been a detriment to her fortune she kept this a secret while continuing to promote unhealthy living.  That is until a drug company paid her a substantial sum to promote their new diabetes drug.  Now she is all about “educating” diabetics. There is a name for people who will do anything for money and it isn’t celebrity chef.

How about Mitt Romney?  He pays “around 15 percent in taxes”.  This translates to probably closer to twelve percent.  In addition he fails to mention he pays taxes on only a small portion of his income.  My guess is his total tax bill was close to zero dollars and zero cents.  He justifies it by saying that his income comes from investments.  He did earn “a relatively small amount” in actual income.  That figure was $374,000 for eight speaking engagements.  Hey Mitt, I earned a relatively small amount, less than $50,000, working fifty hours a week for fifty-two weeks and a third of that, $15,000 was paid in taxes.  Oh, I almost forgot the $200 in book royalties. Mitt is the problem and he wants you to believe he is the solution.

America does still have one thing most other countries don’t have: individual freedom.  That is I am free to leave anytime.  Make no mistake I would go to a country where people care about the greater good (and there arewaves everyday).  The problem is I am a middle class American and I can barely afford to live here much less move.

KOKO

Almost not here to write.  This morning the Lovely Old Lady (LOL) wanted a ride to work.  I wanted to celebrate Martin Luther King Day, by having a dream, literally.  That didn’t go over to well.  She “accidentally” hit snooze on the travel alarm she uses.  The alarm is basically the size of an almond.  So when it went off every ten minutes for the next hour I had no way of turning it off.  I finally threw it across the room which seemed to do the trick.  She then proceeded to do a Jane Fonda work out in her high heel boots on the hardwood floor above the bed.  Mercifully, she finally left at some point.  She was also kind enough to turn all of the heat off in the entire house.  I almost pulled a Jim Morrison when the temperature went from 80 degrees to 60 degrees while I was sleeping.  So much for celebrating the holiday.

Just now I was able to survive suffocation by dish towel.  I didn’t realize that different dish towels are to be used on different dishes.  (I think I was confused because except for the color the towels all look pretty much look the same.)  I then found out that some dish towels are not to be used at all as they are “decorative”.  The decorative towels also double as tourniquets as the decorative towel was used in the attempted strangulation.

Due to the weather this time of year is just painful, although this year has been less painful.  Notwithstanding, after the holidays (with a funeral and a blown transmission thrown in for good measure this year) I look forward to the return of a routine.  There are little if any social activities.  Surfing and motorcycles are just a dream.  It’s a time for work and belt tightening.  I did however forget the turn of the New Year marks another dreaded event:  the return of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.  The world’s dumbest show featuring a collection of the world’s least intelligent human beings.

I realized that the network picked up the tab for the exotic dates at distant locales.  (Why show someone having dinner with a psycho they just met on match.com?  That would be a little to realistic for reality TV.)  What I didn’t know was the Bachelor and Bachelorette get paid.  The pay is in the high six figures.  Last time I checked if you were paid to sleep with the opposite sex you were a prostitute.  Where are all these women’s rights group who protest the exploitation of women?  The collection of bimbos on The Bachelor are just everyday johns.  Of course you would have to pay me to sleep with some of the “talent” on the Bachelor.

I guess focus groups decided that, The Gigolo, The Male Escort or The Call Boy didn’t have the same appeal as The Bachelor.   ABC Television is realizing what most of us already know: true love is expensive.

KOKO

That’s the way noted American author John Steinbeck saw it in the “Grapes of Wrath”.  The older I get the more I agree.  A lot of people always want to know “why” something happened or “why” someone did something.  My question is why do we need to know why?  Maybe its just me but I have no idea why I get out of bed most mornings, particulalry this time of year.  After that I don’t much remember what I do all day much less why.  (Unless it involves surfing.  Why I surf is another blog.  Suffice it to say I surf because its the only way I can deal with this world and the people who inhabit it.)  If people themselves don’t know why they do things how are they supposed explain their actions to us.

Why did a mother murder her six year old son? Suffocating him while he struggled.  Some things are beyond explanation.  At least by explanation in this world anyway.  The mother claimed she attempted suicide immediately thereafter.  Her mother at least had the sense to say killing one’s self is easily accomplished.

On the other hand some things don’t need explanation.  Like the four Marines who were videotaped urinating on a Taliban soldier.   (Why they videotaped themselves is a logical question, however.)  The Taliban harbored Bush family friend Osama Bin Laden.  The Saudi National who with Saudi Arabia’s financial support (at a minimum) murdered thousands of innocent working class Americans.  President Obama hasn’t explained why but we are still at war with the Taliban.  By definition cruel things happen in war.

The more important question to me is why Secretary of State Hilary Clinton is kowtowing to Afghan President Karzai over the incident.  The question is why the corrupt Karzai and his cronies are still in power.  He has stolen millions from the United States and his people.  While we are on the subject of Afghanistan why are we sending the Pakistani government billions when their army is a known terrorist organization that supports the Taliban.  Most of us have been conditioned not to ask “why” in connection with the big picture.  After all we know the answer.  So the greedy rich few can both protect and increase their wealth at the expense of the rest of us.

I use to ask why the Lovely Old Lady (LOL) has to use the dust buster after she vacuumed.  Usually vacuuming and dust busting in the middle of a playoff broadcast.  I don’t have many breaths left, I’m not going to waste any asking “why”?

KOKO

I am a Tim Tebow fan.  I quickly tired of professional athletes pointing skyward after every home run or touchdown.  Now, God is responsible for every completed pass, punt downed inside the twenty, first down, base hit, and made basket.  (You never see a hockey player thank anyone other than his teammates, they have always been the classiest professional athletes.)   I have nothing against faith or demonstrations of faith.  Also I believe in divine intervention in certain situations where there is no other rational explanation.  However, I do not believe in hypocrites.  Most football and baseball players and all NBA players are heathens.   They are narcissistic and greedy. They carry guns, illegally. They take illegal, performance enhancing and other drugs. They leave thousands of unsupported, illegitimate children in their wake.  If God were interested in the outcome of sporting events (Tebow correctly asserts He is not) almost every game would be called for lightning when one of these sinners points skyward.

Tebow on the other hand is the real deal.  He practices what he preaches, literally.  He lives his life in accordance with the Good Book.  Whatever he may be, he is not a hypocrite.  (I noticed Ben Roethlisberger pointing skyward after a touchdown pass.  Do you think he was sitting next to Tebow at church this morning or molesting another woman in his hotel room?)  Like Tom Brady Tebow has had to earn every accolade.  He was never anointed the “second coming” pun intended.  He won a high school state championship with a broken leg.  He is the greatest college quarterback of all time, and arguably the greatest college player ever.  He won two college national championships.  Most NFL “experts” incorrectly predicted he would be unable to make it in the NFL.  Even his own boss, legendary Denver quarterback John Elway was initially a disbeliever.  Again Tebow, like Brady early in his career, doesn’t always look pretty and the statistics are not always great but the final outcome is usually a “W”.  Ask the Atlanta Falcons who drafted “can’t miss” NFL quarterback Matt Ryan whether they would rather have his regular seasons statistics or one playoff win in the last three years.

Tebow’s legend hit some black ice the past few weeks.  (Figuratively not literally kind of like Massachusetts Lieutenant  Governor Tim Murray.)  To two-time Superbowl winner, and defending AFC champ the Pissburgh Steelers Tebow and the Broncos were a formality on Pittsburgh’s way to face the Patriots next week in Foxboro.  But under God’s eternal light (the game was played under a full moon in Denver) Tebow again proved every one wrong.

Tebow and the Denver Broncos are 15 point underdogs in Foxboro next week.  I think the Patriots are going to have their hands full.  After all I don’t know of a better twelfth man than Jesus.

KOKO

I have long doubted that everything is made of whirling electrons.  (I also question whether we ever went to the moon but that’s a whole other blog.)  If in fact that was true then given the progress of the last one hundred years you would think that someone would have developed a way to move objects without picking them up.  I now realize that people (or at least the Lovely Old Lady (LOL)) have that capability.  Before I get started I’m glad that a person with no mind, Michele Bachmann did not matter whatsoever to the good people of Iowa.  Now she and her husband can go back to collecting over $500,000 a year in government subsidies.  You don’t think she really wanted smaller government do you?

I stopped by the house yesterday to pick something up.  I took off my coat, gloves and hat (or more accurately randomly tossed those items.)  I quickly ran to use the facilities picked up what I needed and returned less than two minutes later ready to leave. All of my outerwear was gone, vanished into thin air.  The hat was buried in the coat closet where the jacket was hanging.  I still haven’t found one of the gloves.  My two minute stop turned into five minutes when I had to look for everything.  When I questioned the LOL regarding the whereabouts of the glove she denied any involvement.

My everyday winter coat is a “shacket” (combination shirt and jacket).  I hang it on the first hook in the closet for easy access.  Somehow it always goes from that hook to the back of the closet.  Does it really matter exactly where a jacket is hanging behind a closed closet door?  Apparently it does.  And if I come home after a long day and place my backpack on the floor for less than a minute I have no idea where it ends up other than one of the dozen places I look. All of this reminds me of when my Mother made us clean because the cleaning lady was coming.  The logic apparently being not letting the cleaning lady know we needed a cleaning lady.  She must have come in lit up a smoke, watched a little pay per view and then took the money off the kitchen table on her way out: Cullen cleaning lady, good gig.

I also often make the mistake of leaving my toothpaste on the counter.  The toothpaste is way ahead of the jacket.  The toothpaste goes from the counter to a different drawer every night.  Nothing better after a long day then spending five minutes looking for your toothpaste.  (God forbid I use the LOL’s toothpaste.  I think she recognizes the sound of the cap being twisted.  She awakes from a sound sleep screaming, “Don’t touch my toothpaste!”)  Weird, her toothpaste never moves.  Must be because I use Sensodyne and she uses Colgate.

In addition to things moving some things have disappeared all together.  My long sleeve, Black Crowes, 1992 Eurpean tour shirt seems to have moved out all together.  Maybe it sold itself on eBay.

The LOL seems to mind everything I do, for some reason it all seems to matter (mostly in a negative way).

I’m slowly learning to pay the moving objects (LOL included) no mind, because in the end it doesn’t really matter.

KOKO